Something Death Can Touch
by Bubbly88Tay
Summary: "How hard is it to love something death can touch?" After a devastating loss, the team has to learn how to cope in the only way's they know how. With each other. But what happens when all is not as it seems.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N 1: I was running dry on ideas for my other story, so I wrote this from a quote I read. ****_"It's the hardest thing to love something death can touch." _****Hence the name. Now, I am going to keep this short because I fear I am going to become pummeled by the few readers that actually do still read my stuff. **

**Warning – No beta's and no time for research with this one. **

**Disclaimer – Bubbles and I are extremely …eh, what's the word for it? Sadistic? Depressed? Either way some of you are not going to like this story in the slightest. We also don't own anything that even begins to resemble Chicago, so ENJOY!**

**CHICAGO PD**

Halsteads breaths gargled in his chest, like he was cleaning his mouth with mouth wash. Only this time, he was painting his mouth in the crimson colored blood. He smiled up at Erin reassuringly as he held her right hand, her left combed his hair as she worked to make him comfortable while Voight and Olinsky worked on keeping him alive.

"You wan-want to know s'mthing?" Halstead slurred as his dimmed but gorgeous eyes looked up at her tearful and red eyes. He smiled a mischievous smile, as if his hand had been caught in the cookie jar.

Erin shrugged. "What?" She whispered so that only he could hear, a teary eyed smile played at her lips. She had figured if she spoke any louder, her voice would crack.

"I d'int wake up thinking I w's g'ing to die today."

Erin looked back as Voight and Olinsky quieted while they stared at the ailing detectives wound seriously. Erin still couldn't hear the tell-tale sign of the ambulance, and Halstead was more grey than ghostly pale. It was then that she knew that Detective Jay Halstead might not make it to tomorrow.

"Don't talk like that. It's strictly forbidden." Erin cleared her throat as a tear finally made its way slowly down her face and to her chin, where it dribbled onto her folded knees.

Halstead smiled as he turned his head slightly as he looked to Antonio who held his other hand. "I n'ver got to have a f'mly. You take care of yours." Antonio's head shook slightly as he soaked in the dying man's request. Antonio smiled reassuringly as he squeezed his own reassurances. Without turning his head, Jay continued. "Same for you Al'in."

Alvin turned as he heard the resemblance to his name. "Don't you quit on us now. You're stronger than that."

"Stronger t'an death?" Halstead chuckled a wet chuckle, than coughed a wet cough. Speckles of blood spotted his lips, and the puddle of blood that was steadily growing on the warehouse floor grew a little bit more. Ruzek was outside directing cops and waiting for the ambulance as the warehouse district was being swept for the man who had run a piece of rebar through Halsteads chest.

_"Erin, Halstead. Status?" Voight's rough voice asked over the com link. _

_"Still very much single." Halstead replied without missing a beat. Erin bit her lip to keep from laughing as Halstead turned the next right and Erin followed. They could hear the audible growl from the other end of the links, and Erin quickly replied with a quick 'clear.'_

_The room was vast and empty. The windows sat a few feet away and they looked over the river three stories below. Erin walked to the crated boxes while Halstead looked through the windows, looking for any way that the man they were searching for, Vasquez DeMarcus, could have escaped quietly. _

_It was at that moment that Mr. DeMarcus made his presence known as he charged Halstead, his head lowered and arms holding a rebar pole out in front of him. Halstead turned as Erin called out, only to be shoved against the wall as Vasquez crashed through the window and into the river below. Erin ran to the window and looked down at the vanishing ripples, her gun pointed in the same direction._

_"Lindsay, Halstead. Status, now!" Erin shook her head at Voight's demanding voice in her ear._

_"Jumped into the river. Knocked the breath out of Halstead..." Erin finally turned to her partner who stared wide eyed back at her. _

_"Halstead?" Erin watched as he looked down at his chest and at the piece of rebar that sat embedded in him, near his heart. "Halstead!" _

_"Halstead? What's your status?" Voight demanded urgently, his breaths pounding in Erin's ears as Voight began to run to the partners position. Erin walked over to Halstead slowly, almost afraid to touch him. _

_Olinsky and Voight burst into the room as Erin reached Halstead. Halstead looked over to his boss and his knees buckled. "I think I have a problem." _

_Erin grabbed under his shoulders and slowly lowered him to the ground as Olinsky and Voight rushed to help, Antonio following moments later. "Officer down. I repeat, Officer down!"._

Olinsky shrugged as his emotions began to get the best of him. "Tell the r'kie he did good." Halstead murmured as he fought to keep his eyes open.

Voight pressed down on the wound, causing Halstead to groan as his eyes flew open. "Keep your eyes open you stubborn son of a bitch." Halstead grinned vaguely.

"Take care of 'Rin." Halstead replied. With his last bit of strength, Halstead tilted his head back to Erin. "I never did not love you."

"I love you too Halstead, you hang on you hear me?" Halstead nodded, than grimaced as his eyes flew shut, riding out another wave of pain. Quickly, Halsteads breathing died down to a couple of gasps, than silenced, all in a matter of moments.

"Halstead?" Erin whispered, tightening her hold on his hand. The hand remained limp as Voight began breathing harder from behind her. She turned to look and saw him doing compressions above Jays heart.

"No, no, no, no, no! Damn it Halstead, open your eyes!" Erin turned back to Halsteads lax face and begged. She began to shake as she brought her hands to caress his beautiful face. She heard Voight whispering his own words to Halstead. Antonio held Halsteads hand tightly for a moment than got up as Voight and Olinsky traded places. Antonio paced as Erin began to sob. Voight got up and ran his fist through the dry wall as his emotions threatened to show.

Several sets of footsteps pounded their way up the stairs as Ruzek ran into the room, out of breath. "Medics are-"

Ruzek looked at Antonio's pacing, Voight's display of anger, then he looked at Olinsky doing compressions roughly against Halsteads chest and found himself stopping short. He looked to Erin as she continued to hold Halsteads face in her hands and sob.

The medics rushed by the frozen Ruzek and straight to Halsteads lifeless body. They pushed Olinsky away as they began to do their job.

Minutes that felt like hours later, Halstead was loaded up and taken to the awaiting ambulance, that sped its way to the hospital, Erin never leaving Halsteads side.

The rest of the team stayed behind, searching for anything that could help the dive team find Vasquez.

Three hours later, Voight reached into his pocket as his phone began to buzz. Seeing an unrecognizable number, he answered it.

"Voi-"

"He's gone Voight. They, um, they called him. He's dead." Erin's hoarse voice whispered over the phone.

Voight put a fist up to his mouth as Ruzek, Olinsky, and Antonio, along with an assortment of officers looked to Voight. Voight shook his head slightly and heads were dropped as Antonio slid his way down the nearest wall, putting his arms on his knees and hid his head in his knees. Ruzek walked away, than picked up the pace as he ran out the nearest exit. Olinsky ran after Ruzek, and Voight bit his fist harder.

"Its the hardest thing to love someone who can be touched by death." Voight recited as he turned away from the group and headed for an exit, than hung up the phone as he walked away into the Chicago night.

**_CHICAGO PD_**

**A/N 2: So how did you guys fair? Do I still need to hide and cower? Yes? OK, bye bye!**


	2. Chapter 2 (All Is Not What It Seems)

**A/N: OK, so I didn't think there would be a second, third, and even a fifth chapter for this fic, however, that is the plan, and it's all because of the wonderful people I surround myself with on a daily basis. Jayne, Mary, Belle, Emily, Amna, and Jenna are some of the most amazing people I know and communicate with. I love them, because they are my baes. The last couple of months getting to know them have been so much fun and it's been amazing. Thank you all so much.**

**Another HUGE thanks go out to Belle, Jayne, and Emily. They all looked over what I have and they have helped me so much. This was a mess before they touched it up a little bit, so if you want to thank anybody, thank them.**

**Because of the aforementioned and a few amazing authors on fanfiction, so here, I have decided to clack up an extra couple of pages of writing for this story and to give you all a little plot twist. **

**I do ask that you don't judge this first chapter because it literally is just here for the feels, if you all can wait two days tops for the next chapter to be posted, the likeliness of you all hating me shrinks exponentially. **

**You won't enjoy this chapter, but good luck.**

* * *

Jay Halstead.

Those two words, the name, had sent shivers down her spine since before she had even met him. Back when he was still in guns and gangs, he had sent shockwaves through the precinct with his incredible detective skills and his passion for the job. Whenever she would hear his name in passing, she would always slow down and listen for news of the amazing detective. When she had learned she was going to be partnered up with him, she had outwardly groaned, but on the inside, she was excited. Oh so very excited.

How they kicked it off so well, she still wasn't sure. They were just exceptionally well working together, and the department took advantage of that. Soon, Intelligence was sending shocks across the pond as higher ups began to look down at the group of misfits in something of awe.

As she had grown closer to the man, and as she had learned that something was different about him, she had slowly learned that she had fallen in love. She wasn't sure how to be quite honest, all she knew is that she would do anything for him, even if that meant dying for him.

She just never thought that he would die first.

"-they did everything they could, however the damage was too extensive. His heart was still not beating by the time he had gotten here. He was only breathing through machines, and he had no brain waves. He was called before he made it to an OR. God, Erin, I'm so sorry." Alec Wilhite had given her the news just less than an hour ago, tears streaming down his face. He knew what it was like. He knew how it felt to lose someone you loved, and the pain was still fresh with him.

She had called Voight immediately after, and he let everyone else know. Now she sat on the floor of some doctor's office. She had her back against the wall, and her legs straight out in front of her. In her left hand, Jay's badge sat smudged with his blood, in her right, his dog tags. She clenched them tight between her fingers, trying to find some grip on reality.

Suddenly she dropped the badge onto the plush carpeting and clutched the dog tags in both hands. It just didn't seem real yet.

She stared hard across the room, trying to focus on Alec's still figure as he sat against the opposite wall.

"Alec-" She started, as she let her gaze drop to the dog tags in her hands. The rough metals that he wore on him at all times, that reminded him who he was.

He was Jay Halstead. He was a soldier. He was a savior. He was a friend. He was a partner. He was-

He was dead.

That's when it hit her like a truck, as she brought the cool metals to her chest and felt her own heartbeat with her hands. Wishing it was Jays she was feeling, wishing it was her's that stopped. She whispered his name softly into the air as she let the first tear fall. She bit her lip as she continued to stare at the metals.

"God Jay, this better be a fucking nightmare." She cried softly.

"Erin?" Alec asked, looking at her sympathetically and carefully, as if the gun on her waist could go off at any time.

"Alec, this better be some fucking sick joke that everybody put you up to. Because you know what, it's not funny." Erin growled as she stood up, tears streaming down her cheeks, under her chin, down her neck and into her shirt. Her breathing heightened as Alec shot up as well, reaching towards her carefully.

"Erin-"

"Alec. Stop it. He's not dead because he can't- he can't be dead!" Erin yelled as she threw the dog tags at Alec. Alec caught the flying metal and stepped into Erin's danger zone.

"Erin. I'm sorry."

"Alec, god, Jay. Jay's not dead," Erin whispered again. She dropped her arms miserably to her side as she looked Alec in the eye. "Please." She pleaded. When he shook his head, Erin shook her own, trying to will away the tragedy.

"Erin. I'm-"

"Stop it Alec. Just stop. Please! Stop telling me that he's dead because you don't get it! I don't want to believe you!" Erin cried.

"Erin, you don't get it either, I do know what you're going through right now!" Alec yelled back, tears flowing freely down his face. Erin stopped talking, and stopped trying to cut him off as she watched him grieve as well. "You feel like your chest is being ripped apart, one atom at a time. You feel like your heart is being squashed, and then burned, then pasted back together again just to be thrown through the ringer once again. I do know how it feels." Alec brought a shaking hand to his mouth as he took in a shaky breath. "But you won't have to go through the mind blowing pain of having to tell the most important people in your life, your children, that momma is never, ever coming home. So don't tell me I don't know."

Erin nodded as she realized his words rang true. She cried harder, not saying another word as she stepped towards him, opening her arms and wrapping him up. He did the same, letting him hold her close as they sobbed together. His tears soaked her shirt as he thought of his own wife, lying deep in some hole, and he thought of his children, never being able to experience their mother tucking them in to sleep and holding them when they cried. Holding him when he cried.

Her chest heaved as she thought of Jay. Laying alone, cold and dead in the morgue downstairs, but she couldn't go down there.

She would remember him as he was. He was strong.

Eventually the two sunk down slowly, gathering together close on the carpeting as her sobs slowly died down to a hiccup here and there. Tears still slid out of their eyes as the sun slowly started to shine again through the windows, but Erin couldn't enjoy it.

Her best friend, the man that told her with his dying breaths that he had loved her, was dead.

And, now a part of her lied down in that morgue with him.

* * *

Antonio walked with a certain practiced precision that no one should ever learn to possess. Voight was walking in front of him, Adam and Alvin were walking on the left side. He was carrying, what seemed like, the burden of the world as it rested heavily on his shoulder. The only noise he could hear was the occasional foot fall and a sniffled sob here and there. All around him, people sat, in rows and in columns as they all came to wish a farewell to one of Chicago's best detectives.

Off to the side, there were rows of standing military men, all in their dress suits as they all stared solemnly ahead, hands raised in a silent salute. Finally, finally, they reached the front, where they lied the coffin down on the stand and the four men went to their seats in the front row, next to Erin and Nadia. Alec sat on the other side of Erin.

Jay's family weren't in attendance, because he had none, and the only other people the city could think of as family were the Corsons, and they sat in the other front row, all three of them sniffling into their tissues, and cuddling together, as the cold winter air clung to everyone.

Erin looked distraught and stunning at the same time. Antonio was fairly certain that the reason she was here was because the alcohol had numbed the pain. After the first day, Voight had brought the team together, and told them exactly what was going to happen. They weren't going to the funeral as police officers, they were going as family. The amount of men and women in uniform was overwhelming compared to the small amount of people who sat in regular funeral attire.

Antonio himself had to go out and buy a new suit at the news, and had spent nearly an hour crying in the dressing room, praying to god that this wasn't happening. That the man he considered a brother was dead.

He hadn't been back to the station since that night. Voight had told the group that he had caught the man responsible, but due to Jay's morality, the man had been turned into police custody. However, he was sitting in a coma at the local hospital. None of the detectives could find an ounce of them to care though.

None of them could afford to show any sort of emotion as they all sat and watched the funeral continue on. Words were said by the priest, people cried, soldiers stared stoically ahead, and then, Lindsay stood.

She was chosen to start the eulogy's, because she was the closest thing Jay had had to family, and the choice had been clear and she had been adamant.

She stepped carefully up to the podium, but stopped as her heels clicked on the bottom step. Instead she reversed her steps and grabbed her chair from the front row and sat it and her self in front of the small crowd.

"Jay, he wasn't one for dramatics, so I'm not going to sit in front of you all and tell you to move on and act like some sort of martyr because that's not him, but more importantly, that's not me. All he ever asked from people is to be honest, and to be yourself-" Erin stopped as she pursed her lips together, thinking of what to say next. She had been told to write up a script or at least some guidelines, but had never made it out of bed long enough to do so. "unless you're criminal, in which case, he would find you, catch you, and send your ass to jail."

As the muffled chuckles and watery sobs from the crowd died down, Erin smirked a watery smile. "Jay wouldn't have wanted me up here talking about him, because that wasn't him. He's a- he was, he was a modest guy. Despite the cockiness he portrayed, he had the softest heart. His morals and ethics were outstanding, but to him, that didn't make him a better person. All that did was give him more room to achieve and more room to expand and to be an even better person. He was the greatest person I know." Erin stopped and wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

"I can't get used to talking in past tense, because I still feel him, and I keep thinking he's not dead. Everytime I use a present tense, I want to smash something against the wall and scream to the heavens. Scream so that he can hear me, because I miss him. Before I came today, I read something. It stated that it takes men six minutes to fall in love," Erin smirked as more tears fell. "it took Jay about a sixth of that time, and he made sure that I knew that. It also stated that it takes a women 13 minutes, but it took me until the moments before he died to realize that I loved him back."

She stopped, watching as tears poured out of the eyes of her team mates. "I regret that more than anything else." She stopped again as the lump in her throat grew larger. "God damn, I miss him, and I regret a lot, but I regret that, not telling him I love him back, most. If nothing else, know that Jay, with the biggest heart I have ever met, loved everyone here. You might not have known that, but I do."

"I do too." Antonio cut in, receiving a thankful look from Erin as she stood and replaced her chair as he took the podium. "

"I really don't care what Jay's wishes were, because," Antonio watched as Erin sat back down her eyes closed as tears continued to stream down her eyes. "Because if it gets him down here to kick my ass, then I'll stomp on his grave while I'm at it. I would do just about anything to have him back. I would do just about anything to drink another beer," he looked to Gabby who sat crying softly into Matt's shoulder in the audience. "or, to go shoot a few more clips at the shooting range. Hell, I would even let him win a round of boxing, maybe even two. Just to see him smile again, I would give up my left nut, and my right butt cheek, because man, that kid was amazing. His potential was through the roof and his attitude was resilient to say the least. I wasn't supposed to speak very much today, because apparently those of us who knew him all wanted to speak, and we didn't want to waste all of your time. So thank you all for being there for him when even his team and his family wasn't. Thank you."

Adam didn't regret the drinks he had drank before he had come as he walked up to the podium as Antonio took a seat. All he wanted was a few more to chug down.

It hadn't sunk in yet to be quite honest.

Despite the fact that he was standing out on the podium, looking down at all the faces that Jay Halstead considered family, he just couldn't believe that his best friend was dead.

"I didn't know what to say when it happened. I didn't even know how to react. All I could do was head outside where it happened, throw up a few times, and then I cried. I do not care what you all think, yes. I cried. Yes. I was made physically sick by the passing of a man I thought to be invincible. But no, it still hasn't sunk in yet. I can't believe he's dead, because honestly, I still feel like this is some sick dream. I feel like, I don't know man, I just don't feel like this is real life, and I am sure most of you feel the same way."

"I'm not a religious man, and I can tell you that I hate funerals. I can also tell you with certainty that the majority of us will be so drunk by the end of the night, that none of us will remember this in the morning, but honestly. Who the hell cares. Just remember Jay as a God among us mere mortals." Ruzek chuckled, "He would have like that one. He was a good man, but he had a hell of an ego."

Alvin shook his head sympathetically as Ruzek said a few words more, just thanking everyone for being there and such, and Voight kept his head bowed.

"Um, I think Alvin wants to say a few words, and then I think Voight does, so the sappy stuff is almost over, but seriously guys, don't love Jay because he's no longer living, love him for who he was before. For the soul and for the, I don't know. Just don't forget him."

Adam quickly slipped from the podium and skitted back to his seat clumsily. He sat back down next to Alvin and chuckled. "I never was good with speeches." Alvin could smell the alcohol that already tainted his breath and shook his head.

"It's five o'clock somewhere right?"

Ruzek shook his head. "No, my best friend is dead. It's nine thirty and I need a few more drinks if I am going to make it to tonight."

Alvin took the words as his cue to get up, knowing that everyone was high strung and most of them just needed to cope in their own ways.

Alvin knew he was the only one who had written Jay a speech. The military had taught him a lot of things, just like it had once taught Jay. One of those things that were very important to both men was organization. Jay had one of the neatest desks and neatest houses he had ever seen, and he figured he could do the man one last thing by being prepared.

He trudged to the podium, doing his best to ignore the sniffles and birds chirping. He tried to ignore the sun that shone down brightly, and he definitely tried to ignore the chirping birds and the distant sounds of cars. The sounds of people going on with their lives as he buried someone who he could have looked like as a son.

"Jay Halstead era un grande uomo, ed è un peccato che se n'è andato così presto in una vita così promettente. For those of you who need a translation, 'Jay Halstead was a great man, and it is such a shame that he is gone so early in such a promising life.'" Alvin smirked as the italian rolled smoothly off his tongue. "I'm not sure why Jay was so fascinated by my ability to speak italian when his ability to understand anybody and everybody, no matter the situation, was amazing. Jay had a knack for being able to understand in seconds what it takes many minutes to understand. He understood people."

"It was actually relatively scary watching him get into the heads of these monsters that we catch everyday, and still be such an amazing man. I never dreamed of being able to do this, not in my worst nightmare. Jay did what he had to do, and in doing so, he saved many lives. It's such a tragedy that he is gone, and I can't say any words to help any of our pain, so I won't so all that many. Just know that he would have wanted us all to move on, and I can say that with a certainty. Live long and remember. Vivere a lungo e ricordare."

Alvin shrugged to the crowd as Erin leaned over in her seat, her body shaking visibly as the soft sobs were heard throughout and around the coffin.

Alvin watched Hank. He stepped carefully up to the podium and took a deep breath as Alvin backed up and stood behind him.

"Alvin and I have been on the force for years. Probably before some of you were even born, and never have I met a man like Jay, and to be quite honest. I didn't like him until he did something that I never thought anyone had the balls to do."

He shot Antonio a look and then threw a glance over his shoulder. "Alvin and I have a record for being a little less than cordial when it comes to handling people who want to fuck with my team. When something major happened a few months back, and nearly killed my detective, I was prepared to do whatever it takes to get that man off the street for good. As was Alvin."

"But Jay was not. He stopped me from doing something that I would have on my conscience for the rest of my life, and he stood up to me. He stood up to one of the biggest ass holes in the 21st precinct, and that was the night he earned my respect." He then shot a look to Erin who was buried into Antonio. "Not enough to date Erin, but enough for me to be willing to go get a few beers with him."

"We became closer and closer, and unfortunately, I am never going to be able to have the relationship I know I would have achieved with him. If I could, I would treat him like a son, and I would help him. I didn't know he didn't have any family until earlier this year when someone else tried to kill him and he put himself in danger to catch a man that would have killed a lot of people. As Erin said earlier, I regret a lot. But I really regret taking Jay for granted. I really do."

Voight exited the podium and Alvin followed him as they returned to their seats, and they continued to sit through the funeral. Minutes later, Erin was sitting with a flag folded tightly in her lap, and Jay's dogtags continued to clink against the skin of her chest, hidden by her dress.

By the end of the morning, Jay Halstead was buried, and it became all too real.

* * *

**A/N 2: Not much to say here other than if you would like another chapter, do me a huge favor and review for me, tell me what you think maybe? I would love to hear from all of you, know how you reacted. Have a fantastic day/night guys!**

**~Tayler~**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Damn guys, just like, damn. I have some of the greatest people as a backing to my writing. Because of them, and because of all of those who reviewed, favorited, and liked, I am posting chapter three. This is the chapter I assumed that you guys wouldn't kill me as much over, so enjoy guys!**

* * *

ONE YEAR LATER

* * *

"Lindsay, can you do us all a favor and not try to be a hero next time? You're not as good at it as you once were." Antonio yelled at Lindsay from his seat behind his desk, smirking as she stormed into the bull pen, her partner Stephen Jackson running behind her, smiling along with the rest of the team.

"It would help if you could shoot a little straighter as well." Stephen bellowed.

Stephen had joined the team about a month after Jay died, and while he had had huge shoes to fill, but over the course of the year, the man quickly became a part of the team. "Yeah, that would be great, I'm sick and tired of checking to make sure you are actually wearing a vest." Stephen grumbled as he stormed to his desk. It was the desk that he often times caught Erin staring at longfully, and then he would remember the photo on her desk of her and the man he had replaced. It was a great photo, filled with snow and Jay and Erin sitting outside a crime scene just talking. He didn't know the story behind it, and everytime he had asked, Erin would bite his head off and storm away, delving into her work somewhere else.

He grabbed a file off his desk and flipped it open, examining the insides as intelligence settled into the routine that had always happened after a bust, paperwork and silence. For whatever reason though, this time, Stephen couldn't concentrate. So instead of rereading the same paragraph he had been stuck on for the last ten minutes, he settled for examining the room.

He started with Ruzek, the man who had never liked him no matter how hard he tried to be nice to him. Adam was always scowling at him, and ever since his girlfriend, the patrol officer downstairs had conceived a child, his irritability had grown exponentially. Voight had called the man out on it a few times, but Stephen understood, he was replacing Adam's best friend, and he didn't think Stephen fit the bill. His eyes moved over to Atwater. He was pretty straightfoward with Stephen the day he had been brought up.

"Don't mention Jay Halstead, and don't ever, ever try to sleep with Erin Lindsay."

So far, he had failed with both, and the entire team knew about it. He swept a glance at Erin next who was doing something similar to him, except all she was studying was the photo on her desk as she tapped the pen against her desk repeatedly, in a soothing rhythm.

He glanced back at Atwater and smirked as he checked his phone as it vibrated, probably his girlfriend. He glanced to Nadia, the amazing receptionist that was quickly working her way through the academy. In less than six months, the young girl would be a Chicago police officer, and everybody was so incredibly proud of her for it.

Antonio's family had officially split apart, and in that time, he had made up for spare time by solving cold cases. So far, he had solved over fifty cold cases and had received multiple medals for it. He was finally happy.

Erin had pretty much gone over the edge. She never came to work drunk, however she was often times hung over. She slept with everybody she could get into bed with, and her work ethics had been shot to hell. Voight was constantly riding her ass about her willingness to die, but Stephen had considered himself a good partner, and so far he had been successful in not getting her shot.

He stared at the door to Voigt's office, it was black inside. He had been called away earlier in the morning on urgent business and had yet to make his way back yet, which suited Stephen just fine. There was a sort of animosity between him and the sergeant, it might have been because he had slept with Erin, or it might have been his lack of respect for Hank, but they shied away from each other.

Finally his eyes settled on the file cabinet that hid Alvin's desk. He just seemed distraught most of the time. Stephen had heard he was one of the officers who had performed CPR on Jay that night, and considering he had failed, Stephen kind of understood, but it had been a year. If nothing else, Alvin showed him around when he had first arrived, and had treated him kindly. There was nothing wrong between the two men.

Finally he decided to stand up, stretching his aching muscles as he swept around the room once more. He heard the door to the bull pen opening, and then he heard the unmistakable tone of Voight's voice speaking to someone. Voight finally made his way up the stairs, making a motion behind him for whoever was there to stay there.

"I have an announcement to make." Voight announced. Everyone's head cocked at the strange greeting as everyone put down what they were working on and looked to the man. Once everyone's attention was on him, Voight turned around and motioned for whomever was at the bottom of the stairs to come up.

They could hear boots hitting the steps as a head of black messy hair slowly emerged followed by a pair of eyes and then a head. Soon an entire body dressed in a pair of black sweat pants and a leather jacket that was wrapped tightly around the man, stood next to Voight. A chair immediately hit the ground as if someone had stood suddenly, but besides that it was silent in the room. The man was pale, and there was a large bandage covering a large portion of the left side of his forehead. His right arm was in a sling, there was a lump that could be from a bandage wrapped around his right knee and there were bruises littering the majority of the skin he could see. "That's not much of an announcement?" Stephen questioned, as he looked at the man. HE had a feeling he recognized him, and then it hit him.

"Oh my fuckin god." He whispered, standing with the rest of the Intelligence team as they all stood staring at the man.

Right in front of him, in the flesh, was a living breathing Jay Halstead.

"Oh my god." Ruzek shouted, jumping over his desk and sliding across the room, wrapping his arms around Jay and breathing heavily. "What the hell man, I thought you were dead?" Ruzek asked, pulling his head away from the hug to look at Jay's face.

"I almost was, twice." Jay croaked out, his voice raw from what sounded like disuse, although the bruises on his neck said otherwise. Antonio quickly pulled Adam away and moved in for his own hug. He stayed silent as he seemingly was just trying to process Jay being there and being alive.

"I missed you too Dawson." Jay croaked as he carefully wrapped his good arm around Antonio. All Antonio could do was shake his head in disbelief as Alvin scooted up and patted Jay on the shoulder.

"I assume it didn't go as to plan as everyone thought it would." Alvin joked, looking pointedly at the bandage above his eye.

Jay just shook his head as Antonio pulled away. Before he could open his mouth, Stephen stopped all conversation in the room. "Erin? You OK?"

All heads turned to Erin as she gripped the desk tightly, her face becoming flushed as she stared at Hank. "Maybe we should get out of here Erin, get a coffee."

"Did you know he was alive?" Erin seethed as she stepped slowly out from around her desk and began to walk purposefully towards Voight.

Voight nodded his head carefully as Jay limped away carefully with the guidance of Antonio and Alvin. "Erin, now is not the time to do this." Voight warned as Jay watched her, pain flashing in his eyes.

"Did you know?" Erin asked again, finally standing a foot in front of Hank, her fists clenched at her sides.

Hank took in a soft breath and looked down at Erin. "You and Stephen need to go get some coffee or something."

"Sorry Sarge, no can do. I got a shit ton of paperwork-"

"Stephen, shut the fuck up. Voight! Answer my question!" Erin shouted. Jay looked bewildered as he continued to watch Erin and then Stephen.

"Yes. I knew, and I'm-"

Erin's palm connected with Voight's cheek with a resonating sharp sting which spun Voight's head. By the time he was staring straight ahead again, Erin was rushing down the stairs and leaving almost as quickly as it had happened.

"What the fuck was that man?" Jay croaked as he stared over at Stephen.

"Name's Stephen, I was your replacement."

"Not that, do you normally treat your superior's with that level of respect?" Jay asked as he limped over to the man.

"Jay, just leave it, his transfers set to go as soon as you come back." Voight cut in as he steered Jay towards his office, followed by the rest of Intelligence.

Stephen jumped in front of the group and put crossed his arms. "What do you mean? I didn't ask for a transfer."

"You knew coming into this that this was a temporary assignment. You will be leaving the day he is fit for active duty. You are lucky you aren't being suspended. Lack of respect for your supervisors can do that for you. Do you understand?" Voight questioned. Jay smirked while the rest continued to stare at Jay, like they had seen a ghost.

Once the group was all behind the closed door of the office, the truth came out.

Jay had been selected to go deep undercover by the FBI in order to get into a homegrown terrorist organization. Jay had initially denied it, but after learning of the opportunity of getting him so deep that his entire previous life thought he was dead was too good to be true. After three months in the hospital recovering from the stab wound in a undisclosed location, Jay was sent in.

It was going great, and the case was about to get cracked way wide open when Jay's cover was blown when a year anniversary piece about Jay's death popped up on the news. HE had been taken hostage and the result had been torture and then soon after, the entire organization dead.

"I just spent the night in the hospital because of dehydration and such, everything else is superficial. My shoulders dislocated, my knee is sprained, and my head was banged wide open." Jay finished explaining with a sad grin on his face.

"If I didn't think it would save more people than my life was worth, I wouldn't have done it." Jay exclaimed at the looks of disbelief surrounding him. The only people who seemed in on it were Alvin and Hank who both sat on the edge of Hanks desk while Jay sat carefully in the chair.

"Jay, you do realize that you are never leaving my sight again?" Antonio asked, clapping his hands on the younger mans shoulders carefully.

"Here here." Ruzek chuckled as he stared awestruck. "Man, I am just so happy you're alive."

Jay smiled a sad smile as he looked at Erin's photo on Hanks desk, the one that sat right next to Jay's. "Well, you few seem to be the only ones."

"Give her time." Hank suggested as he grabbed his keys from his belt and shrugged his head towards the door. "Jay has to get some rest because he checked out a lot earlier than doctor's would have liked."

Jay shrugged as he stared out the doors at Stephen, his feet propped on Jays desk as he flicked through his phone. "Who the hell is this guy?" Jay questioned, the man's antics pissing him off slowly.

"Leave it Jay. Let's get you to your apartment." Jays head shot up.

"Home." He sighed, a happier smile on his face.

The group slowly filed out of the office, heading back to their desks, happier than they had been in a long time. It was just like right after Jay had 'died.' It didn't feel real yet.

As Jay limped out of the office as stopped at his desk. "Stephen. A, get your feet off of _my _desk. B, knock the shit off before I knock the shit out of you." He then flashed a shit eating grin, and limped away, Voight following closely behind him.

As the sounds of their conversation drifted, Stephen's feet fell to the floor and he stood up slowly. "Well, he sounds pleasant."

"Stephen, don't go there. Just don't." Atwater warned as he stood up to file his paperwork and leave.

* * *

**A/N 2: SO I haven't even typed up chapter three yet, however, I know exactly where this is going guys That being said, please don't kill me. I love this story SO much, and so yes. I know this doesn't make sense, but my hormones and emotions are so over the place, and I am just so tired!**

**So enjoy guys!**

**~Tayler~**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N 1: So, I had scheduled this to be up on my Monday, and some of you all's Tuesday, however, I have had a lot of ideas for this chapter and was able to type it up, get it checked over by quite a few people, and still be able to post it two days early. **

**You're welcome.**

**Also, for those who have been long awaiting a chapter for When It Goes South, I think some of you might be happy to hear that I have planned for me to post the next chapter on Tuesday (Wednesday for some of you.) That chapter is already written down, I just need to type it up and get it read through by a couple of people.**

**I want to thank you all for your continued support. This story has gotten a large response from all of you and most of it has been positive feedback. I am so happy that none of you saw Jay being alive being an actual way for me to end this story, because it added the element of suprise. **

**I really hope you all enjoy this next chapter, I know some of you will!**

* * *

Jay had finally gotten home late afternoon, Voight driving him to his apartment after they had picked up food. Voight didn't stay for long, knowing that Jay just needed to be alone. He only stayed long enough to watch Jay play with his food, take a few meds, and watch him limp to his couch.

Voight washed the couple of dishes that they had used, and placed them in the dishwasher to dry out. When he finished the simple task, he turned and watched the top of Jay's body sit motionless. His shoulders sat square, staring at the blank television.

The first thing Voight had noticed when he had rushed into the emergency room across the city was the fact that Jay wasn't the same. It wasn't just the physical things, like the amount of weight and muscle density he had lost, nor was it the slightly longer hair than he had ever seen the man with and the palest complexion he had ever seen on the man. No, it was his eyes, and all that he wasn't saying out loud. He smiled when Voight walked into the room, and it seemed to be a joyous smile, but it never reached his eyes.

He was alone. That much was certain. Sure there was people all around him, and Voight's presence was very well known, but he was alone. He had just spent a year away from his friends and his family, and spent that year filled with criminals out to kill everyone the could. Jay couldn't talk to anybody, and his emotions had been bottled up for just as long. Hank had known from the moment he had stepped foot into that hospital room, that not only was he not looking at the same man he had watched protect the city over a year ago, but he was a ticking time bomb, primed and ready to explode.

"Hey Jay, I'm about to head out." Voight called, pushing himself off of the doorway of the kitchen Jay's head turned quickly towards his boss, his senses still in overload. Once the words kicked in, he rolled off the couch and stood, limping towards his boss.

"Look, Voight. Thanks for lunch." Jay smirked, rubbing his neck with his good hand. "And for picking me up. And for drop-"

"I got it kid, you're welcome." Hank smiled genuinely as he held his arms out. Jay smiled again as he stepped into the arms and wrapped his usable arm around Voight. Voight held the man for a moment, similarly to how a dad would hold his son.

Jay pulled away first as Hank stopped him from going too far, clapping a hand on Jays good shoulder. "It's great to have you back kid."

Jay nodded, not trusting himself to say any words. Voight smiled reassuringly as he clapped the shoulder a couple of times before he retracted his hand and cleared his throat. "Alvin will stop by in a couple of hours, make sure you have dinner, but no one else should stop by. Alvin should have let the rest for the team to let you be for a while."

"I don't need a babysitter Voight." Jay grinned softly. "But thanks again."

"Get some rest Jay, god knows I need you to replace your replacement." Voight groaned as he opened the door and stepped backwards through it, pulling his jacket tighter around himself and fishing his gloves from his pockets.

"No kidding, where the hell did you get him from anyways? Rent a cop shop?" Jay joked, raising an eyebrow.

"I wish, Stephen is something else, let me tell you that. He's good police, just never what I was looking for." Voight turned around as his sentence finished, strutting towards the stairs with a practice stride. He shot a final glance, and a wave over his shoulder as he turned down another hallway, as Jay watched him walk away.

A minute passed before Jay's smirk slowly slipped into a straight lines for lips. He backed through his doorway and closed the doorway. Once the deadbolt was slipped shut he turned his back to the door and slowly slid down the wood. He stopped once he sat on the floor, his bad knee straight out in front of him and his other knee bent in front of him.

He glanced around at his apartment. Seeing much of it with a single glance. His photos that hung on the wall, his tv that sat undusted. His walls, god he hated that color, but he missed them so much.

Suddenly his eyes were misting up as he finally accepted that he was home. "Damn." He muttered as he brought a fiercely shaking hand to his face. He closed his eyes as he held his head back against his doors. He shook his head, but his lips, and even tried to laugh, but nothing worked as the tears started to fall down his face.

He didn't sob, but he did cry as he sat on his apartment floor. With every throb in his body, he was forced back to the week that he was held hostage, torture beginning early in the morning and lasting all through the night. Soon those thoughts began to mingle with the memories he had before he came to Chicago. Of the war and of the violence. Of the bodies he saw on a daily basis.

Eventually, he ran out of bad memories to think of as he began to remember the year he had spent in Intelligence. Of the car rides with his beautiful partner, of the jokes and the sarcastic comments. He remembered the way her entire face would light up at the mention of good night out with a couple of beers and some friends at Molly's. HE remembered a lot.

And then he remembered dying.

A pounding on his door brought him back to his senses. He shook his head lightly as the pounding continued. He wiped his hand across his face, trying to clear every trace of his ever crying away.

After a second to compose himself, he stood up, and stared at the door, and finally, he opened it.

"What the hell are you doing alive?"

There she was. She was mad, furious even. Her eyes were puffy and red like she had spent her afternoon crying as well. Her body was covered in a coat of sweat and her stance screamed murder. But here she was.

"Erin?" His voice was still a croak, a lingering problem from being nearly suffocated.

She shoved by him and trotted into his living room and around the couch, where she stood rod still and watched him. "Close the door, because I need to talk." She muttered, crossing her arms across her chest.

He shut the door with a quiet click and then turned to face her yet again. "Let's hear it."

"I watched you die, Jay. I held you as you took your last breath, and I could only watch everybody try to save you. I had to watch everybody at your funeral as I sat at the front and I started your eulogies. I watched some of the strongest people I knew slowly withdraw from the rest of the world, Jay. I watched as the team changed and as I changed. But Jay, god damn it, I watched you die." Jay would have been lying if he said he hadn't seen this conversation coming, but he didn't expect how badly it would hurt. What hurt the most though, was the agony in her eyes, as his return opened old wounds. All he could do in response though, was stare straight at her, willing away the emotions that struggled to compose themselves within him.

"But you know what Jay Halstead, you want to know something funny?" Erin laughed a cruel laugh as she took a slow step towards him. Jay remained silent and still, and she took it a yes as she continued. "The worst part about your death wasn't that you had died, no, not at all. The worst part about your death, was me coming to realize that _I loved you too."_

Jay's breath hitched at the statement. He had loved her and he had made sure that she it, but he had never imagined her saying it back, He had always assumed that she had wanted it professional, and he never thought he would get the chance to contest it. Jay bit his lip as he thought of what to say, emotions assaulting him. He wanted to hold her, to stop her tears and tell her that nothing had changed, but everything had changed.

She _had _loved him.

"You say that in the past tense." Jay muttered, his heart breaking in his chest slowly. He had never been given the opportunity to think through what his death would mean to those around him. He never knew that he would never be able to take those words back at the time, and he never realized what they would do to those he loved. At the time, all he had wanted to do was say them.

"Yea, Jay, past tense. Because that's how I have spent the better part of a year thinking of you. The only time I wasn't thinking of you, and mourning your death, was when I was drinking, and trust me when I say that I did a lot of that. I spent a lot of time drinking and I said a lot of things that I wish I had never said, and the amount of time I spent at _your _grave took up a lot of my spare time. All of that time I will never get back. All because you had to be some fucking hero." Erin cried, showing no other way of hiding her pain as well. "Didn't you know that you were already an hero? To children, to the people you have helped, to me? You already were a hero Jay."

"Erin, I'm sorry."

"Now you're sorry. After you put me, the woman that you loved, through a year of unimaginable pain, and after you put your friends into a situation that was far too similar to ones they have felt before." Erin's hands dropped to her sides limply as she stopped shouting. Her chest heaved as she caught her breath slowly. Besides that, the room remained silent, both parties staring at each other with desperation, and loneliness and unadulterated sadness in their eyes.

Erin started moving again after minutes of standing and staring at each other. She walked slowly, unsurely, as she made her way to him. As she came to stand in front of him, she let her tears fall, and he let his show in his eyes. "Erin."

She stopped, her body inches from his, she stared up into his eyes and he stared down into hers. "Was it really worth it?"

Jay sucked in his lip again as he shook his head carefully. "I can't answer that question Erin, in this line of work, when you get the opportunity, you save someone's life. Thats what I did. I can't say I regret saving the lives I did, but I do regret leaving you, and I will always regret that Erin."

Erin nodded slowly. Her eyes closed and more tears streamed out of her eyes. "I know, but I just can't understand why you wouldn't let us know. We could have helped and I-"

"I couldn't do that to you or the team." Jay butt in quickly.

"No, but you could rip our hearts to shreds and send us all into shock. It's our job to investigate Jay. We could have helped. I could have helped." Erin pleaded.

"It's too late now Erin. But I need to know one thing, before you either let me in again, or keep me out-" Erin placed her hand on Jay's cheek, silencing him.

"When you died, I learned that I can't keep my feelings to myself, but I kept on doing so. But now, that you're not dead, I know this." She stopped as she felt Jay's hand coming up to cup her cheek in his good hand as well, rubbing tiny circles with his thumb, sending shivers down her spine. She smiled a watery smile, and started stroking his face too. "I still love you, no matter how long I said it past tense. I loved you then, I love you now, and I will always love you."

Jay didn't respond, instead, he slowly brought his lips to hers, and she let him. She relished the touch. They stayed like that for a few seconds, leaving their lips attached to each others. It was Jay who pulled away first as he rested his forehead against hers. "I love you too Erin Lindsay."

She smiled again as she pressed her lips to his once more and the stayed locked in each others embraces and touches. The emotions, that they kept locked up inside as the kiss deepened, and they conveyed their emotions onto each other on a physical level.

Slowly but surely they made it to the couch, where they decided not to take it a step further. Rather, they held each other, staring into each others eyes as they laid stretched out on the couch. Her legs wrapped mindlessly in his and his arm that wasn't attached to his chest, was wrapped around her waist, holding her close to his body.

Shortly thereafter, he fell asleep. The exhaustion, the meds, and emotions finally pulling him into bliss. Erin watched as his eyes slid shut and she continued to trace his facial features with her eyes, starting with his eye sockets and slowly fading down to chin and the the stubs of facial hair that lined it. Erin let gaze linger longer on the bruises that adorned his face and reached out to caress the bruises that lined his neck in lines of purple and greens.

She could have stayed like that forever. Twirling his unkempt hair in her fingers as she held close to him, making sure he wasn't leaving her. Not again.

It wasn't until much later that she heard footsteps outside of Jay's door and then the sound of Key's sliding inside the lock. Erin carefully removed herself from Jay's embrace, but wasn't careful enough as he peered out through one cracked eyelid as she stood up and straightened her clothing out and patted her hair down. " 'rin?" He mumbled reaching out near blindly for the warmth of her body.

"Somebody's coming over okay Jay? I'm just going to see who it is than I will come lay back down okay? You just go back to sleep." Jay nodded slowly as she heard the sound of the first lock on Jay's door being unlocked.

"Don't leave." He whispered quietly as he quickly fell back to sleep. She dashed to the door and undid the second lock and letting the door open quickly and quietly.

"Erin?" Alvin questioned softly as he noticed the darkened apartment behind her, juggling a box of pizza and a set of key's in the other hand. "You okay?" Alvin asked as he looked for any other signs of life in the apartment.

"Yeah, I came over to talk and truthfully, I feel better than I have in a long time." Erin smiled softly as she looked Alvin over. "Come on in, just be quiet, he's sleeping and I don't think he will be up until morning." Erin shrugged.

"Actually, if you're over here, here is some pizza. I was supposed to bring some over just to check on him, seeing as you seem to have it handled-" Alvin stopped as he passed off the pizza.

"Are you sure?" Erin asked as she shot a glance behind her. The curtains were slowly starting to darken, signifying to Erin that night was quickly approaching.

"Yea, I'm sure. I just want to get home and be with my daughter anyways. A day like today will do that to you." Alvin admitted, then passed off the key to apartment to Erin. "And I won't be needing this. Have a good night."

"You too Alvin. Have a safe drive home." Erin nodded as the detective turned and walked down the hall. Once she was sure that he was actually leaving, Erin ducked back into the apartment and padded to the kitchen, quickly placing the pizza in the fridge for breakfast tomorrow.

"Looks like I'm staying the night." She muttered, looking down at her casual workplace outfit that would never work as a set of pajamas. She would never get any sleep in the uncomfortable clothing.

An idea suddenly sprang into her head as she darted silently from the kitchen across the living room and into Jay's bedroom. Experience led her straight to his dresser where she pulled out his second drawer.

For the first month after he had died, Erin hadn't been able to leave her bed. The second month, she wasn't able to leave his. She spent long days here getting to know the place better than Jay probably knew it. She knew exactly where what she needed was.

She pulled out a pair of gray sweat pants and walked to his closet, pulling a ragged, old t shirt off the hangar. Quickly she shed herself of her clothes and pulled his on. She smiled lightly as she breathed in the smell of Jay that still lingered in most areas of his apartment.

Soon, she was done, and she let her hair down, letting it tumble down past her shoulders. She quickly brushed her teeth with her finger in some tooth paste, advising herself to bring a toothbrush tomorrow, because there was no way she leaving his side for a while.

Once that was done, she heard a soft moan coming from the living room, and quickly rushed in, afraid that she had woken the man. What she saw was almost worse.

He was still asleep, but in the throes of a nightmare. There were tears streaming down his face, which were enough to catch her off guard as she stumbled to his side. Doing the only thing she thought would help, she grabbed his face again and began to coo his name. Moments later, he calmed down and mumbled her name in his sleep as he slowly forgot the dream and moved on to a less excitable dream.

She dropped her hands to her side and shivered slightly as the cold air made itself known. With one last look around and a yawn to accompany it, Erin grabbed the comforter off his bed and walked back to the couch. She quickly got herself comfortable in his arm and legs again and then wrapped them both up in the large blanket.

Soon, after only moments of staring into his face once again, she was asleep.

* * *

Erin woke up quickly but gracefully as her eyes jumped open and she quickly took stock of her surroundings. She blinked her eyes a few times to try and blink the sleep out of them when she felt a pair of eyes focused on her.

Erin looked up to Jay's beautiful sea green eyes. She glanced curiously up at him as a whole new wave of relief passed over her.

Jay was alive. And Jay was in love with her, and she was in love with him.

She focused in again on his face that was staring down at her with a sweet yet mocking smile. "Are those my sweatpants you're wearing?"

* * *

**A/N 2: So, how did you all like it? You all have been so wonderful when it comes to reviews for this story, and I really hope you don't stop now. I will say that the next chapter I post for this story will be the last. **_**EVER. **_**I really hope you guys enjoyed and I really really hope you all will leave me a review. **

**Note - The next scheduled chapter for this story is by next Sunday(Monday). **

**See you all when I see you all!**

**~Tayler~**


	5. Chapter 5 (The End Is Nye)

**6 Months Later**

"Erin, I'm home!" A shout sounded throughout the small apartment as the front door was swung open and quickly shut again. Erin looked up from her book that laid across her lap, her feet laid across the couch. She swung her head to meet him, and was surprised with a kiss as the sweaty man approached her. "Hey babe." Jay panted as he swung himself over the couch and landed on the other side of her legs.

"Ugh, come on, get your stinky, nasty, disgusting shoes off the sofa. Now." Erin smirked as she nudged his feet off the side of the couch. She smirked as they slid off and raised an eyebrow up at her shirtless boyfriend. "How was the run? Weather's heating up."

"You can say that again." Jay scoffed as he grabbed another drink from his bottle of water that he had left on the coffee table from the night before. He sucked the rest of the liquid from the bottle and squeezed all of the air out of it. "But I missed my last summer, so I am not complaining."

Erin continued to smile as she soaked in his presence. The last six months had quite possibly been harder than the year she had thought he was dead. Jay wasn't the same Jay, that much was quite clear, whatever had happened in that year had changed him, and not for the better.

At first it was nice. He would smile when prompted, eat when told to, kiss when he thought she needed to be kissed, but slowly, the changes became more and more noticeable. When no one was watching, he wasn't eating. When nobody cared, he wasn't smiling. Most of the time, he would kiss hoping to get away from his brain through meaningless sex.

Erin thought it was a passing thing, but after a while, she decided that it wasn't and she confronted him about it. That argument hadn't been pretty in the slightest. The result worked though, he started to attend therapy, and soon they had a name.

Erin had assumed that he had always had some sort of PTSD from his tours overseas, but apparently it had worsened after the terrorists.

It took weeks for him to actually come and talk to her about it, it took a few weeks for him to even talk to her after the argument, but when he did, she was there for him.

After that, a relationship was inevitable, and it bloomed. The team was more than supportive and when Jay came back to something more than desk duty, he was actually allowed to stay on the team. Voight's orders.

Now, here they were, a domestic couple. Jay still couldn't sleep most nights, but Erin could tell that the therapist and that the running was helping. Plus, the sex really was great and helped both of them sleep.

Erin didn't even go to her own apartment anymore, she pretty much used it as storage and a place to get away. Jay had even given her half of the dresser and closet, and there were two toothbrushes in the bathroom instead of just Jays. Some could say it was getting serious.

Now they sat staring at each other. Jay was finally starting to soak in some of the vitamin D, however, his skin was still pale. His muscles had slowly come back from the malnourishment, and now, they were more defined than ever. Sometimes, Erin would wake him up by brushing her shirt up and down his abdomen, joking about it being a washboard.

That typically led to sex.

His knee still gave out on him every so often, but only once had he lost a suspect because of it. All of the other times it had happened, he continued running and would only collapse after cuffs were on the guy or girl. Sometimes the team would catch up to him sitting on the suspect while rubbing his knee. Most of those days had ended with the couple cuddling with an ice pack and a good movie on the couch.

"Can you please go shower. Kim and Adam are giving us a ride to save gas, and I don't need you stinking up their van." Erin scolded lightly as she threw her book on the table and hopped to her quickly followed and smirked at her knowingly.

"You and I both know that the only reason you decided to ride in the van full of the fumes of dirty diapers and baby food, is because you like Little Jay better than Big Jay." Jay was talking about Jayson Patrick Ruzek. The name was one the parents of the jolly 3 month old boy decided on long before they found out Jay was in fact still alive. The baby was born a short three months ago and Erin and Jay practically hadn't left his side.

It was decided shortly after birth that they were to be the godparents, and they accepted the role gratefully.

"So what if I do, I can love two Jays." Erin smiled grabbing his hands and allowing him to pull her closely to his chest. She looked up at him with a smile and he stared down at her wistfully.

"Well, I only have enough room to love one Erin, because she has all my love." Jay murmured as he placed a kiss on her forehead.

Erin sighed contently as she stared up at the clock on the wall above the TV. "Damn it, Jay, go take a shower. We have to leave soon."

"Did you finish the potato salad?" Jay asked, a mischievous grin playing on his lips.

"Yes, considering I had to bake another after you devoured the first batch…"

"Hey now, you shouldn't have made them so good, but that's besides the point. Wanna take shower with me?" Jay wiggled his eyebrows down at her, and Erin pulled away.

"I could use another shower." She answered playfully. Before she could object, Jay scooped her up in his arms and carried her off to the bathroom.

* * *

"I'm not entirely sure which is worse, never being able to drive or being relegated to the back seat all the time." Jay grumbled from his spot next to Jayson. He stared over at the chubby ball of fur and produced a goofy smile on his face as the little man gurgled on some spit. "Heyo Ruzek, have any wet wipes back there?" Jay called over his shoulder as he grinned at the lone man who sat in the 'way way back.'

Adam produced a pack of wet wipes from the diaper bag beside him and threw them roughly at Jay's head. "Asshole." Adam murmured as he stared grumpily out the window.

"Adam, watch your mouth." Kim shouted from the drivers seat, and Erin turned around, flashing a shit eating grin up at Big Jay.

"He's three months old, I doubt he's going to remember anything I am saying here." Adam contested. He stopped when he caught a glimpse of the scowl that his wife was shooting him through the rear view mirror.

The couple had settled for a small wedding down at the park surrounded by the team, a few of her friends, and a few of his. It was a small gathering, and Jay being the best man, got to hold Jayson throughout the ceremonies. Jayson was relatively quiet, however JAy had gotten a crash course in all things babies and when he would even start to whimper, Jay was hushing the child down in seconds.

The scene left Erin and everyone else on the team awestruck. When the time came for Kim and Adam to go on their honeymoon to a hotel across town, Jay accepted the babysitting duties for the night. Erin still likes to look back at the photos she has from the night. The photos ranged from Jay giving the little boy a bath, to the two of them falling asleep on the couch.

It was a good night.

"Right, I forgot, our child has an eidetic memory." Adam muttered sarcastically.

Jay smiled from his spot as he leaned over the child. "Did you know you're daddy is pushing his luck? Yes he is. Oh yes he is." Jay blew a raspberry into the air, causing an innocent laugh to spurt from the child's mouth.

"Hey Ruzek, knock it off." Erin supplied as she turned back to the road and stared at the upcoming lake. It was beautiful and a dark shade of blue. The team didn't plan to swim, however a picnic and just getting caught up in each others lives was always fun.

Voight was going to be there with his grandson, Cole, who was quickly approaching two. Atwater was going to be there with his fiancee and little sister. Olinsky, his wife and daughter were expected to be there. Antonio along with Eva and Diego had apparently already arrived. Nadia was going to try to show up, assuming her commander allowed her to leave early. Then there was the van full of people including Kim, Erin, Jayson, Jay, and Adam.

Less than ten minutes later, Erin was toting her potato salad down to the lake side where a large group of people had already merged. Jay was at her side and the small family that they had ridden with was already meeting up with the group.

Jay stopped her, his arm around her waist pulling her closer to him. "Look at them." He smiled, a thoughtful look on his face.

"I'm looking." Erin replied playfully.

"I'm serious Erin. Look at it. It's my family. Your family-"

"Our family." Erin finished for him. She turned so that she was facing him as he watched the kids all running or waddling around after each other as the adults all smiled on as they watched the next generation of Chicago be free and happy.

"Erin," He stopped staring at the crowd as he looked down at her. "Do you know what today is?"

Erin stared on skeptically. "Uh, no."

"It's the day that I am going to ask you to marry me." Jay quipped as he pulled the bowl of potato salad from her hands and placed it on the ground as he got down to one knee. Erin brought her hands to her face as she felt tears spring to her eyes.

Jay seemed to choke up himself at the reaction as he brought a ring, out of his pocket. Erin's tears fell as she recognized the ring. It was Camille's, Voight's wife. "Oh, Jay." She whispered.

"I know, cliche huh? But when I asked Voight for your hand, he pretty much shoved this at me and said that you would appreciate it more than any ring I could find in any store in the world. But um, I know that we haven't been dating for long, but in that time, I couldn't have been more happy with where we are now. I'm not saying it was easy, but it was worth it. To be here, happy, with the woman of my dreams." His words began to mesh together as he sped up. Erin could tell he was anxious about this, but she let him continue as she watched him wipe his face. "I can only hope that I am the man of your dreams, or else this would be so incredibly awkward, but what if it was the fireman,"

"Yes." Erin whispered happily.

"-and I know that it's been rough, but I know for a fact that the last year and half has taught all of us that our time isn't unlimited and that none of us are invincible-"

"Jay, yes." Jay's ramblings stopped as he stared up at her, a tear slipping from his eye.

"What?"

"Jay, I will marry you, now can you just ask me to?" Erin chided softly as she got down to his level and stood on her knees as well.

Jay nodded and smiled the sweetest smile Erin had ever seen cross his face. "It's not going to be easy Erin Lindsay, but will you marry me?"

Erin crushed herself against his body as they both tumbled backwards into the grass. "Yes."

Jay flipped her over and straddled her body carefully. "You mean it?"

"Hell yes." She responded softly as she sat up. She brought her left hand forward as Jay grabbed it carefully, his own hands trembling with emotion. After a few tries, the ring was nestled on Erin's finger, and suddenly, she was Jay's fiancee.

She grabbed his face and brought it close to hers as she crashed her lips against his passionately. This kiss seemed to end almost as soon as it began as clapping surrounded them. Erin pulled away as she looked around her at her family. Her eyes stopped on Voight as he looked at her and Jay, the proud look of a father on his face.

She shot him a teary thank you with her eyes, and his smile deepened as he stared at the ring on her finger. "No need to thank me. He would have done it anyways." Voight smiled.

"Anything for the woman I love." Jay smiled, as he fell back into the grass, a happy smile plastered on his face.

* * *

**Author's Note - I didn't have one of these in the beginning, so I am expecting this note to be a little longer than normal. **

**First off, I want to thank everybody who has helped me with this story, and then everyone who has helped me in real life. I have been dealing with some pretty shitty people and some pretty shitty problems, and all of those around me, Jay, my #chifam, lanteaddicted... all of these guys have been my family while my real family has not. So thank you all for being there for me. You guys are seriously the best.**

**Second, This story has been the death of me. The roller coaster of feels has been tremendous and it has taken a little less than a year to finish it. However, it is finished and I am so happy with this. Thank you to everyone for reviewing, favoriting, following, the sorts. **

**I love you guys **

Tayler Out


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